I use my birthday as a time for reflection, thinking about where I am, where I want to be and my goals. It’s kind of like the start of a new year for me. After my 35th birthday on October 12, 2017, I made some decisions. I decided that 2018 would be about stepping out of my comfort zone. My theme word for 2018 is awakening. I chose this word because I was awakening to me. I was figuring out who I was, what I wanted my life to look like and what was my purpose. In order to answer these questions, I started a personal growth and development journey to re-discover myself and “awaken” to me.
For me stepping out of my comfort zone meant doing things that I normally wouldn’t do. It meant doing some things alone and not waiting for others to join me. It meant putting me first. It meant learning and growing. It meant feeding my mind, body and soul to inspire, motivate, and strengthen me. It meant filling my cup so that I could pour into others. It meant connecting with other like-minded women on a similar journey.
It’s almost September and I’ve done so many things this year outside of my comfort zone that have truly transformed me in so many ways. More to come on that later but, let’s talk about summer camp. I was presented with an opportunity to attend summer camp. I haven’t attended summer camp since I was a teenager. My first instinct was no way, no how, not going. One with the elements, out in nature, disconnected from the world, cabins in the woods, bugs, wild animals, etc. No thank you! I’ll pass. I decline.
Rosetta (Happy Black Woman (HBW) Tribe founder) said, “It’s camping, it’s not the Hilton or a 5 star hotel. If you prefer that or are looking for that type of accommodation then maybe camping isn’t for you.” This just further confirmed it for me, definitely not going. I could go on and on about why this was a no and why the idea made me very uncomfortable. But something inside of me said that I needed to do this. After all, didn’t I say that 2018 was all about stepping out of my comfort zone and doing the things that make me uncomfortable? Thank you inner conscious for making me keep my word! So, when one of my HBW Tribe sistahs sent me a link to sign up under her registration as a friend. I bit the bullet. I bought my ticket.
Let me tell you, I had all kinds of emotions running through me. Like am I really doing this? Am I really about to go camping on Scaly Mountain in the woods of Highlands, NC. Oh and did I mention with a group of all black women. Whattttt?!!! Yeah, close your mouth now. I guess black women do go camping after all. On top of that my HBW Tribe sistah that invited me said that she wouldn’t be able to make camping a few weeks before the trip. Yayyyyyy!!! Now I can really back out. Oh wait…no I can’t…remember my word. Remember nonrefundable. Remember, you said…okayyyyy. Yeah I got it. It’s settled I’m really going.
Fast forward to my takeaways from camp, what I learned and the reason for this post. I’ll have to write another post on the experience day by day and all that happened later. We were asked to set an intention for camp. What we wanted to walk away with. My intention was to receive clarity, relax, reset and come back refreshed and rejuvenated in order to continue on this path to entrepreneurship.
I know that I am exactly where I need to be right now. However, I still have my doubts that pop up every now and again. They cause me to question myself and question this decision. I wonder if I really have what it takes to be my own boss, CEO of me and an entrepreneur. Am I smart enough? Am I good enough? Do I have the necessary skills? So, I took all of these things to the mountain.
What I received was a resounding YES! Yes you can do this. You are already doing it. Yes you are smart enough. Yes you are good enough. Yes you have the necessary skills. I created you in all of your uniqueness to fulfill a mission on this earth that only you can fulfill. I have given you everything that you need. Stop questioning it and stop questioning me. I don’t make mistakes. I have given you a special gift, a voice, a story that needs to be told. There is someone that needs you right now, needs to hear your story so that they can get the breakthrough that they need to move forward and do the work that they are called to do. I didn’t bring you this far to leave you. Why would I fail you now? Have I not blessed you abundantly? This was my clarity and the confirmation that I received while on Scaly Mountain, in the woods with 32 other happy black women from all around the country.
We did a Labyrinth walk activity. If you are unfamiliar with it do a quick goggle search to learn more. I did because I had no clue what it was. A group of ladies had done the walk the day before and everyone said that they had never experienced anything like it. They said that they really felt transformed and recommended that we do the walk.
So I did the walk with an open mind. I put my intention on the rock and walked the Labyrinth path praying to God and listening for guidance and answers. I tried my best to really stay in the moment and not get distracted. I did get distracted a couple times. At first I felt like I really didn’t feel anything and I wasn’t getting much out of the walk. Although, I remember my hands feeling heavy during the walk and I held them palms down to release what I needed to let go of and leave at the rock. What was interesting is that I made it to the center and began the journey to the end of the path. However, I found myself right back in the center at the rock. I thought I was just following the path to exit but apparently not.
The guide (a minister) told us that the path that some people take is interesting. She told us to pay attention to it. Some people find themselves lost on the path. She mentioned that this was okay and there was nothing wrong with it as it can be indicative of our life journey.
Well what do you know? Here I am following the path and I find myself back in the center again at the rock. How fitting because this is what I do about things in my life. I go around and around only to find myself still at the center of the issue. Here I am going back and forth, and questioning myself and this decision when God has already given it to me. I’m asking for guidance and direction when deep down inside I already know. The answers have already been given to me. And as I write this and reflect on the symbolism of my hands feeling heavy I realize it’s because that it where my true power lays. This is my gift, has always been and I’ve known since I was a very young girl how my words are very powerful, moving and have an impact on others.
{Pauses to call Mom}
I had to call my mom because I’m getting so much from writing this and I couldn’t keep it to myself. My mom reminded me that God has always been my rock. No matter what I always go back to my rock, my foundation, my strength and my faith. There may be times when I’m not as close as I feel I need to be or I feel distant from him. Yet he always brings me right back to him to my center. He’s always there guiding me and directing me on this journey called life.
I left that mountain with the clarity and answers that I sought. Even if the answers were already there I needed to go back to my rock. I needed the refuge of the mountain, nature and a safe place so that I could hear clearly from God. So that I could continue to move forward on this journey. I left that mountain with a sisterhood I have never felt in my life. Including myself, 32 black women from all around the country came to the mountain with an intention. Many of us walking away a stronger and more powerful black woman because of the experience.
Our organizer Rosetta Thurman of Happy Black Woman created a safe space for us to pour into each other with no drama and no judgment, only love. Through our shared stories and experiences I learned that she is me and I am her. We all share these experiences that touch us, shape us and mold us into who we are. In listening to their stories, I saw me. I went to the mountain alone, back to my rock. Through my discomfort I found connection, transformation and healing. I found my sister and my sisters found me. I needed camp.
There are just some things that I never would have imagined. Camping in a cabin, in the woods on Scaly Mountain in Highlands, North Carolina would definitely top the list. Perhaps, if I had been asked at a different time about going to camp, the answer would have remained a no and I never would have went to the mountain and had such an amazing experience. Along this journey I’ve found so much growth through my discomfort. It’s when we are able to step out on faith, past what we can see at the moment and past our discomfort that we position ourselves to experience “living” and all of the many wonderful blessings that God has in store for us. Sometimes we just have to be willing to get uncomfortable in order to grow.