True growth comes when we can look in the mirror and be honest about what we see. When we can speak truthfully about how we get in our own way. When we can face the things that are not serving us. When we are able to tell the truth about the not so pretty parts of ourselves.
Often, when we evaluate experiences that were very impacting we react from a place of pain. Oh I’m never doing that again. I’ll never make that mistake again. I’ll never allow myself to be hurt again. Of course this is a natural reaction to protect ourselves from the hurt that we do not want to experience ever again.
Yet, if we can look at our experiences through a different lens, we gain valuable insight. When we look at what was the opportunity? What did I learn? What did I need to SEE from the situation? What is the lesson that I am taking away?
Many times it takes a few hard hits before we are able to SEE. In one area of my life it took quite a few hard knock downs before I got the lesson. Looking back I can clearly see situations where it should have been obvious. Yet I failed to make the connection.
On one particular occasion, a friend at the time told me very bluntly, “Open your mouth. You’re never going to have what you want because you don’t know how to communicate.” I remember being so shocked and hurt that she would say such a thing to me. I considered her a close friend and never knew that was how she felt. Of course I immediately got angry. I blamed it on her drunken rage. I told her she was a terrible friend for throwing things that I had told her in confidence back in my face. I was hurt. I was angry. I vowed that I was never opening up to someone in that way again.
Yet a small part of me knew that she was right. Even though I was much too stubborn to admit it at the time. I tried to rationalize it. Oh, she just doesn’t understand me. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. My communication is not that bad. The hard truth was that my lack of open, honest and direct communication was hurting my relationships. I didn’t know how to express my feelings. I didn’t know how to say what I wanted or needed. I didn’t know how to use my voice.
I always wanted to keep the peace. I never wanted to hurt another person’s feelings. I wanted everyone to like me. I wanted to be loved and accepted. I wanted to help. Even at the cost of neglecting myself.
As a result, I often felt misunderstood, not heard, taken advantage of, manipulated and that my opinions didn’t matter. I would end up in situations that could have been avoided had I spoken up, said what needed to be said and opened my mouth.
Today I can laugh about it. You would think I would have learned the lesson from that incident. No, not the case. It was a lesson that would keep showing up again and again in my life. From one situation to another situation it was always the thing. It was the common denominator that I needed to SEE but was unable to because of the person I was at the time.
Today, I know the power of my voice. I’ve learned the value of open, honest and direct communication. I’ve learned that my needs and wants are important. I’ve learned that I can say NO and not feel guilty. I’ve learned to honor my voice by always speaking my truth. I’ve learned that sometimes the truth hurts. It’s true what they say. The truth shall set you free. In finding my voice, I found myself and I found freedom.
Freedom to be ME. Freedom to know that I matter. Freedom to know that my voice counts. Freedom to know that my feelings, emotions and thoughts are always valid and important.